Dyslexic or Magnanimous?

There is an existential conundrum afoot here - was this act a true error or was it a clever ploy to prevent Phil from seeing some news that might upset him? Despite the fact that Phil wants Marm dead, Marm feels nothing but compassion for his asshat owner, no matter what may happen. He's like the Doggy Lama. 

And keeping in that spirit, did what he could (while enduring likely ridicule) to keep his owner's well-being at the forefront. 

Either that or Marm really is losing it. 

Oh, and another thing ...

Seems Brad has called in for backup. Some guy named "Paul" is helping these days. See the signature? 

Is Paul his brother? Son? Dad? Complete stranger with the same last name (or no last name)?

Hmm. No matter. Glad he's here to make sure that Brad's Well O' Creativity never runs dry. 

Today, Poland; tomorrow ...

Okay, this is just plain asinine. In fact, it's more than asinine. It's asinten. First off, Marm's legspan is taller than the fence, so is anyone truly surprised he just kinda stepped on over it and into the backyard of Mr. Fatass and his ... what the hell is that thing standing behind him anyway? Did he marry a fawking paper wasp? 

Anyway, so now Mr. Fatass is all upset (shoulda stayed in your shark cage, Chubs) and is threatening to put in a moat. Yes, that's right. A moat. 

Or as Marm would call it, "Water Bowl". 

Way to threaten, Lardbutt. Way to threaten. 

Bad Vibrations

Oh dear. There are so many things wrong with this picture that I don't know where to begin. Phil's upset that he can't get his chair-kink going because, well, there's a big-ass dog in the way. Phil's wife, whatever the hell her name is, looks completely dismayed, as if she had no idea that the chair even did that, but she knows what she'll be doing later after Phil has been surreptitiously fed a few Melatonin in his dinner. 

Take me out to the ... goddammit!

Oh, you foolish children. What is so poignant about this one is the complete innocence and simplicity on the part of our stupid human friends. You see, Marm is the only one in the family who keeps up on current events, and as such has actually saved the kids' lives. 

That ball was made in China, little ones. Marmaduke risked contracting SARS, avian flu, lead poisoning AND melamine-induced mouth cancer just so you could continue living. Show some gratitude, you little bastards. 

And Phil, unclench those half-clenched fists. You're not gonna do shit. We know this. 

It's raining, it's pouring, the old man is still an asshat.

Can you even read this? If so, I'm sorry. First we start with some much-needed derision about the dog's activities. He's a fawking dog, Phil. What's he supposed to do with no opposable thumbs, tune your goddamned Harley? 

It's once the weather turns that we see the reason for Phil's derision - projection over his own laziness. Mister Descended-From-Apes-Yet-Can't-Use-The-Simplest-Of-Tools allows Marm to live in third-world squalor while Phil stays dry and warm. 

And Phil calls Marm lazy. Hey, at least Marm's inventive enough to use an umbrella, asshole.

Seriously, Fat Man. Melodramatic much?

Are you fawking serious? What a fatass, greedy, overly dramatic asswipe this guy is. For one, I see only one steak on the grill. Guess The Wife ain't eatin' tonight, eh, Porky? Bet she even has a black eye. 

Also, we all know that Phil doesn't feed Marm and as such, Marm can only stare wistfully at the food being enjoyed by another. This ridiculously pointless act is merely an insult to poor Marm, serving only to display human cruelty and greed. 

Nicely done, fuckfaces.

This is Friday's edition. I found nothing to say about it.

We all have off days, it seems. 

Give It Away, Give It Away, Give It Away Now ...

Oh, isn't this just fawking precious? Not only has Phil the Asshat found a way (temporarily) to get rid of Marmaduke, he scammed some poor chemotherapy kid out of his game console, which is probably the poor dying little bastard's only real friend left. 

Relax, it's only a matter of time before CancerBoy's mom tracks down Phil and returns Marmaduke. By then Phil will have sold the XBox to someone for $50 and will have to cough up for a new one for Little Baldy. 

God, Phil's a fawking moron. Determined, yeah, but still a moron.

Troubling Crisis of Identities

I hope Mom's not referring to the anal penetration. 

Justification

Once again, Phil The Asshat is concerned more about personal wealth than Marm's interests. Marm is desperately trying to dig a shelter that will keep him safely out of reach of Phil's evil grasp or is just burying a Stegasaur bone. We may never know. What we do know is that Marm is huge and that Phil wants him dead. Phil plays nonchalant with the fat neighbor.