A feast fit for a king. A king with several tapeworms, some killer weed and a severe eating disorder, I mean.

It started out as just a turkey. Then it became deep-fried turkey. Then someone had the brilliant idea of putting a chicken in a turkey, then a duck in the chicken, and calling it a turducken. Clever, no?

Well, screw that noise. This year it's gonna be big. I mean huge.

An ostrich. Stuffed with an emu. Stuffed with a goose wrapped around a turkey enveloping a chicken fitted over a duck swallowing a quail surrounding a pigeon draped over a parakeet containing a finch lovingly ensconcing a hummingbird. With a raisin inside.

I call it an Ostemugooturchiduquapigakeetfinhumsin. It takes 19 hours to cook at 350 degrees. Sounds delicious, doesn't it?

I'll save you a mound.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Actually, I think this is the After picture. I mean like four hours after. After being eaten, I mean. And partially digested.


Attention Holiday Travelers

Don't do this.

Found at xkcd. Happy Thanksgiving!

How to fuck with the kid in the car next to you at a stoplight.

Keep a TV remote in your glove box. When the little towhead next to you looks, smile knowingly and keep an eye on the cross-street lights. Pick up the remote and press a button when the light turns green. He will think you are the coolest person on Earth as you zoom through the intersection. His parents will never, ever, compare, no matter how many times they tell him he's wrong about what he saw.

It feels good to help a child expand his or her horizons.

Nothing at home will ever compare to the awesomeness at 43rd and Spruce.


Vista Update

Okay, it seems that for the moment I can post on other blogs. Yippee. As far as I can figure, this BlogLock has to do with either my Google Chrome settings (that I cannot adjust) or perhaps Blogger hates me and wants me to stay up late in order to comment. Or simply that Vista hates anyone who uses a browser not sanctioned by Microsoft (read: any one that works).

In any case, I blame Vista. And Al Gore. Except Vista didn't cause the ice caps to melt.

I never had these types of problems with XP, which of course is why I was forced into using Vista.

Have I made it clear that I am not a fan of Vista? No? Probably because it won't fucking let me. I think that anytime I use the words "fucking" and "Vista" in the same sentence, some slightly pudgy Seattle-based guy in a white short-sleeved shirt and Dad's tie is sitting there sipping on a caramel raisin chai half-caf lattefrappachocomochaccino and chuckling quietly to himself while suppressing the memory of the ridicule and slug-bugs he got back in high school.

I hate that guy.

And the sad part is I never even got to beat him up.

So here, in all its glory, is how I feel. Courtesy of Samsmama, who sent me this. She rawks.


We're germin' ... I wanna germ it wit you ...

In honor of Flu Season™, here's a lovely little display of the evacuation of bodily fluids. Yeah baby.

Get your minds out of the gutters.



I hate Vista. That, and I think I hate Google Chrome. That, and I hate Norton. Ever since my last Windows Fuckupdate, I am having problems commenting on other blogs. And by that I mean I can't. I'm sure this is for my protection.

What pisses me off is that I had both clever comments and useful advice. Not really, but it still pisses me off that I can't comment.

I'm getting a Mac. That's all there is to it.

Why darling, you're hard as a rock!

"Yes, I certainly am, dear. In fact, you could say that I'm ...

It would explain the smile. The creepy, WTF smile. Seriously, what is this?


And now, for your viewing pleasure ...

Guinea Pigs in Costumes. Yep.

Tastes like chicken.


Monday WTF of the ... Whatever

Happy Monday! Let's Yoga!

But please, dear God, not like this. Please.


Veteran's Day, 2009

Go find a veteran and thank him or her. Seriously.


My Office

Okay, that's a total lie right there. This is what my office was supposed to look like. Didn't take.

My shithole lies below ...


It's still the same CrapCam picture as before, but there's my temporary office. What you can't see are all of the file folders that I've shoved off of the table and onto the head of a very tolerant cat. I promise to provide better pictures when I can afford another $12,000 battery for my camera.

Just kidding. That battery is actually on sale at Fry's for only $9,995.

If you look closely, you can see Vista locking up.


This just had awesome written all over it.

Shatner? check

Beat Poetry Setting? check

Palin-related Tweets? check

Commence launch to Planet Fuckyeah:


Because I have nothing to talk about ...

and because this is just awesome enough to buy me some more time to find something to talk about.

Creamy goodness from the mall. Oh yeah.

I met this guy at a Jason Mraz concert.