Why not? Why the hell not?

Pope Palpatine, I mean Benedict XVI, is going .mp3 capable. And no, he's not buying a new iPhone. He's making an
album, much like other pontiffs have done before him.

Not really. This is a first, and a pretty cool first at that. Ain't nothing wrong with adaptation to the zeitgeist; sometimes you have to adjust in order to get your message out to the detached yet highly networked masses.

But this ain't no Southern Baptist Preacher slash Mattress Warehouse Owner. This is the fucking Pope.

The Real Pope. Accept no imitations.

And I say again, why not? I'm all in for a good chant with a bitchin' choral bass line. And if you make one person smile upon listening to it, then your goal is achieved.

I just hope the b-sides rawk too.

Party on, Benny. And Godspeed.


Challenge of the Nocturne

Find Waldo.

Yeah, this is about a year old, but it's still fucking cool.

There's something wrong with me ...

Something very very wro-o-o-ong with me. Why is that, you ask? Here's why.

I not only thought my odometer reading was cool, I actually took a picture of it. And now I'm posting it here.

I'm sick, I tell you. Sick in the heed.

Serving suggestion. Actual mileage may vary. Not valid in Utah.


Fracas Involving a Potato Peeler Update

There has been a
fracas involving a potato peeler.

So remember, kids, that this:

Canadian ninjas use these with deadly accuracy.

Will undoubtedly lead to this:

He now works as a cab driver in San Francisco.

Stay in school!

This has been your Fracas Involving a Potato Peeler Update.


By The Numbers - 28 July, 2009

3 Times I've tried to plug a USB device in upside-down.

1 Times my office line has rung with a sale.

1 Times my office line has rung with a problem.

3 Times my office line has rung with an elderly person calling the wrong number.

.02 The increase in the price of gas today.

3,485,715 How many Californians noticed.

3,485,698 How many Californians have no power to do something about it.

0 Californians who actually can and will.

5 Cash-for-Gold commercials I've seen in the last 20 minutes.

2,847 Times Oprah has uttered the word "Amazing!" today.

0.5 Things she finds amazing.

0.5 The cherry cheesecake came close.

0 Africans saved by Bono.

1 Africans saved by Madonna.

1 Nigerians saved by Edith Jankowitz of Winesburg, Ohio.

27,846 Dollars lost by Edith.

0 People reading this.

7 Hours til I have to get up.

This was back when you could smoke around sensitive equipment.


Your Tax Dollars at Wokr ...

It seems that simple things like spelling words right just ain't that important anymore.


This is unrelated. Well, not really. It's pretty fucking related when you think about it.


I want to see this.

No really, I do.

I'm seriously here.

Oh, and this is NFSFW.


It's coming back ... thank Jeebus

Every now and then, a TV show comes along that holds my interest. Sometimes, a show becomes as addictive to me as pretty much any powdery substance is to Amy Winehouse. This is one of those shows.

Season 2. September 10.

I'm fucking happy.

She still won't let me buy a motorcycle.


Muse of the Night - Drivers

As some may know, I have spent several years on the road and have become what I consider to be an exeptional driver in that I have never had an accident despite myriad attempts to involve me in the fun.

You no doubt feel exactly the same way, even though the front of your car looks as if David Carradine had used it for a Diet Mountain Dew run.

There are certain makes of vehicles that seem to predicate poor driving behavior, and here is a short list of those makes and a reason why the owners of said makes are such fucking idiots.

1) Ford.
Ford owners buy Fords because Dad bought Fords. Their friend Earl drives a Ford. When they turn on the TV, there's a Ford ad. They don't see an ad in the paper, 'cause they can't be bothered to read. The decision is made for them. Sadly, the decision to buy a Ford dictates the same decisions used when driving said Ford. It's a cattle mentality, and the thought processes involved with using certain standard devices such as turn signals or rear-view mirrors are completely lost in the bovine approach of simply getting to the next pile of hay. When around a Ford driver, always know that he or she will casually drift into the space you currently occupy because they are blithely unaware that there is anyone on the road other than them.

Never park next to a Ford. Your car will get dinged.

2) Saturn.
It was all they could afford, and they don't give a shit that your rear bumper carries the same repair cost as their entire vehicle. They're more predictable than Ford drivers, because at least they have a purpose. That purpose being to trash that shitty vehicle and hope that Geico will get them into a Daewoo.

3) Toyota 4WD.
Apparently, these guys know that Toyota suspensions are pretty good for the class of vehicle and have no qualms about navigating Hwy. 50 west from Tahoe while towing a boat at 85 MPH, because dammit, they can pretty much make that curve. What they fail to consider is that not everyone shares their daredevil attitude, and some are quite content with not having to hit the siderails to get the fuck out of the way of your fishtailing BassMaster.

4) Daewoo.
(see Saturn, but substitute Daewoo with Used Ford)

5) Honda Civic.
This is a mixed bag. If you see a silver Civic with stock rims, you're pretty much safe because it's Helen on her way to her state job and she's got a soft-side cooler with her lunch and her latest Jodi Picoult novel in it, and she ain't letting anything get to those, no sirree.

If it has those cheap-ass black spare-tire rims on the front and $4000 rims and tires and the rear, all accented by a muffler the size of a pony keg and a rear spoiler that has more plastic than Meg Ryan's new lips, stay the fuck away. This moron has augmented his vehicle with all of the performance-enhancing decals his $150 paycheck from Subway will allow, and he will spare no opportunity to rev those 1 point 6 liters to a fever pitch at the stoplight only to squeal the front tires (yes, the cheap ones - he has no clue that his car is front-wheel drive) for about 1.4 seconds before turning off onto a side road because the Check Engine light has come on again.

I'm sure you all have stories to share, and if I've offended any of you, well then fuck you.

That's the way it is.

He has a really really huge penis too.

Godawful Joke of the Night

One evening, little Billy was playing happily with his Legos when he heard some strange noises coming from his parents' bedroom. Curious, he walked quietly down the hall and gently opened the door to the master bedroom. To his shock, he saw Mom with her shoulders down on the bed and her rear end up on her knees. Dad was behind her making horrible thrusting motions and saying really bad things.

With a slight gasp, he started to shut the door only to notice that Dad had seen him and, though slightly startled, gave Billy a wink and a knowing smile.

Bewildered, Billy retreated to his room to make sense of what he had seen.

The next day, Dad walked down the hallway and stopped at Billy's bedroom door and heard muffled sounds not unlike those made the night before in his own room. At once curious and repulsed, Dad flung the door open to see Grandma on the bed prone and Billy banging the shit out of her withered ass.

"What the fuck is going on here?!" he yelled in horror.

Billy slowly turned his head and, with a knowing smile, said "Not so funny when it's your mom, is it?"

Ba-dum-chhhhhhh ...

I am so sorry about this post. No, really.


Question of the Night - Placement of Shit

Why is it that certain women of the female gender find it absolutely necessary to place a decorative object within a path of egress? For example, a woman will find a wall hanging that has numerous pointy and potentially deadly if not disfiguring aspects to it and think, "The hallway corner is the perfect place for this. There, right at eye level."

Why is that? So we have no choice but to notice it through our one remaining eye?

If somebody can clarify this sort of insanity, please do so.

I'm just glad sometimes that I wear glasses.

I'm also considering wearing a welding mask at all times, but that's merely for trendiness.

One size fits all. Dry-cleaning recommended.

Canada Hospitality Update

They're very friendly.

This has been your Canada Hospitality Update.


Flags of our Fathers. Some were uncreative fathers.

As a fan of flags, and of fannies, and of Fanny Flagg, I had to flag this site. With my fanny. It's really cool and will occupy more time than you intended to waste. Enjoy!

Actual size. Contents may vary.


Pig News of the Day

Just when you thought is was safe to go back in the water ...

Snouts. Directed by Steven Spielberg.

These adorable porcine terrors of the shallow are here for one reason: To eat.

I'm pretty sure they're Canadian.

Yeah, I changed a couple of things.

Should these changes discomfort you, please ask your doctor or pharmacist about Shudafukupandol.


Quiz of the Day: Who died, who died, hush hush, eye to eye ...

Often in a story, a chain of events is set into motion because someone went and got all killed. Sometimes you’ve met them, sometimes they’re already gone, but each of them played a critical role in the plot. We at RSOTD salute the fallen soldier, the sailor, the sinker and tailor, the wife, the Bro, the babe and the ho.

The following is a list of characters and the movies they found were simply to die for. Match ‘em to the movie.

No Google.

Or IMDb.


Laura Palmer

Amanda Hunsaker

Fredrica Bimmel

Benjamin Raspail

Uncle Owen, Aunt Beru

Ben Parker

Dr. Malcolm Crowe

Helen Kimble

Marion Crane

Sam Wheat

Bernie Lomax

Mister Boddy

Pfc. William Santiago


Dennis Vinyard

Joe Takagi

Fawn Liebowitz


Miles Dyson

Eric Draven

Catherine Shelby

Jessie Rockatansky

Yeah, she's dead.

And if you have any to add, please feel free to, like, add them.

I'm your Caption, I'm your Caption ... won't you bring me ... my-y-y quip ...

Show me how clever you are, my sweet little bitches.


Mind-Blower of the Da- Evening

Night. Whatever.

Check this shit out. It's happening even as you shove a Cheeto into your maw.


Seriously fucking wow.

And who said Statistics sucks (apart from college students who were smart until they had to take that core class and suddenly became stupider than the stupidest piece of excrement evar)?

RSOTD Update

Okay, I changed the name. I'm exhausted.

Miller Time ...


Change of Plans, or something.

MOTD will soon become RSOTD, which may or may not appeal to a larger audience (3).

This change will happen whenever the hell I get around to it.

There will still be gratuitous cursing.

We hope this has not inconvenienced your other pointless Internet scrolling.

Fuck you very much.


Poor, poor stupid Marm ...

He was supposed to grab the swin fins, but it turns out Phil is already wearing them.


I'm too fucking tired and this is too fucking stupid.

I mean, as much as I admire Brad's ongoing attempts to incorporate the current lexicon into his horribly outdated "comic", I have to wonder just how deep the dementia has gotten to produce something as peurile as this.

Even Bil Keane would attribute such an observation strictly to the kids rather than the dad.

But then again, Phil is a muderous racist moron with the intellectual acumen of a polyp.

Also, I curse way too much. Fuck it.


The times, they are a-changin' update

MOTD will resume on Monday, the 13th in the evening. I got one of them job things so morning updates may not be possible as I am running Windows Vista and I only have about an hour or so each morning, which is not enough time for Vista to boot up.

I know this is a terrible inconvenience to you, my valued readers. Both of you.

To make up for this, I offer you this wonderful LOL.

They were out of ROFLcopter.


Seattle Filthy Nature Update

It's turgid.

(found by Jodi, who has an eye for such things and needed to be pulled away forcibly)

This has been your Seattle Filthy Nature Update

Seattle Dead Celebrity Update

Chris Farley isn't dead.

He's grown his hair out and is working at the Seattle Aquarium.

(found by Jodi, who got caught in the shadow)

This has been your Seattle Dead Celebrity Update.

ps - I know how terribly wrong this one is and that I'm going to Hell for it. Cheers!

Seattle Mid-Day Outdoor Nap Update




Fawking tired.

Guess they couldn't find a good espresso place.

This has been your Seattle Mid-Day Outdoor Nap Update.

He's not helping, Phil, you stupid fuck.

You should know by now that the smell of a mass grave makes him crazy. If you want to keep that shit secret, try feeding Marm sometime.

Seriously, Phil, you're the worst fucking serial killer ever.


Proof that this is still somewhat current.

See? Brad's hip. He's "with it". He's furnished Phil with a modern television with which Phil can sit with yet another creepy stranger and watch the dog food channel just to torture poor Marm with images of the food he won't get to eat.

Phil The Asshole. In HD. Lovely.

Seattle Fashion Update

It's not working either.

This has been your Seattle Fashion Update.


Seattle Michael Jackson Memorial Update

Seems at least a few people in Seattle miss ol' MJ. These were taken outside of the Music Experience Museum.

The basic tribute:

That's sweet, even if it was written on standard-quality printer paper. Then there's this:

'Cause nothin' says "We miss you!" like an empty packet of Ranch Flavor sunflower seeds. Of course, no MJ tribute would be complete without ...

Cherubs! Sweet sweet cherubs! Iconic imagery of nubile, innocent children. How ... touching.

Speaking of touching, I'm sure MJ would feel esspecialy proud of fans who express their sorrow with an extra consonant. It must be Heven to him.

Hey, at least they didn't say "expeshially".

(poor spelling pointed out by Jodi, who noticed it right away)

This has been your Seattle Michael Jackson Memorial Update.

Seattle Fitness Update

It's not working.

This has been your Seattle Fitness Update.

Oregon Art Update

"Out of the boat, Dad. Go."

This has been your Oregon Art Update.

(note - this was actually taken a few days ago. I been lazy)

Don't ask what happened to all the legs.

What Phil isn't telling Fatass is that all of those are merely leftovers from his Death Camp operation. (hint: all the shoes look Jewish)

Missing Leg Update - seems one can be found here.


Seattle Fun Fact of the Day

There is more espresso in the state of Washington than there is in all of Europe and Asia combined. These are a very tired people, it seems.

This has been your Seattle Fun Fact of the Day.


Vacation Update from Seattle

Mount Rainier is not attached to the ground. It just kinda hovers there. Some people say that it's just an illusion caused by the fog, but then how do you explain the fact that it moved when we drove past it? HUH?

That's right, bitches. I know the truth.

It's gone for the evening now. Probably went back to its cave or something.

This has been your Seattle Vacation Update.

Meanwhile, in case of tsunami ...

That's right. DANCE!

Dance like you've never danced before! Dance that tsunami away!

Just ... dance.


This also just in: Awesome Of The Day

If this isn't perfect justice, I don't know what is.

Rating: 4 Awesomes

Breaking News! This blog may not be visible in China!

Which is very bothersome, of course. I have many fans in China. I mean, no doubt.

'Cause they love them some flesh-colored Marm (along with Garfield).

My God.

I am still completely and utterly amazed that people still get paid rather handsomely to write ... this.

If anyone needs me, I'll be slitting my wrists in despair.