Seriously, Dottie, if you want to get that cheap-ass murderous husband of yours to buy you new shoes, you should probably have given Marm a pair of your old ones.
What? Those ARE your old ones? Jesus fawking Christ, woman! It's no wonder Phil won't do to you what Marm does. For a second there you even looked hot.
Then came those shoes.
And for God's sake, relax your kegels.