12.19.2009

An Engineer's View of Santa Claus


By now you may have already seen this, as it's been making the email rounds for years. If so, disregard and read something newer and interestinger. If not, enjoy!

Santa Claus: An Engineer's View

There are approximately two billion children (persons under 18) in the world. However, since Santa does not visit children of Muslim, Hindu, Jewish or Buddhist (except maybe in Japan) religions, this reduces the workload for Christmas night to 15% of the total, or 378 million (according to the Population Reference Bureau). At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household, that comes to 108 million homes, presuming that there is at least one good child in each.

Santa has about 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west (which seems logical). This works out to 967.7 visits per second. This is to say that for each Christian household with a good child, Santa has around 1/1000th of a second to park the sleigh, hop out, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left for him, get back up the chimney, jump into the sleigh and get on to the next house. Assuming that each of these 108 million stops is evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false, but will accept for the purposes of our calculations), we are now talking about 0.78 miles per household; a total trip of 75.5 million miles, not counting bathroom stops or breaks. This means Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second--3,000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man-made vehicle, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles per second, and a conventional reindeer can run (at best) 15 miles per hour.

The payload of the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium sized Lego set (two pounds), the sleigh is carrying over 500 thousand tons, not counting Santa himself. On land, a conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even granting that the "flying" reindeer could pull ten times the normal amount, the job can't be done with eight or even nine of them-Santa would need 360,000 of them. This increases the payload, not counting the weight of the sleigh, another 54,000 tons, or roughly seven times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth (the ship, not the monarch). 600,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air resistance-this would eat up the reindeer in the same fashion as a spacecraft re-entering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer would absorb 14.3 quintillion joules of energy per second each. In short, they would burst into flames almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them and creating deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire reindeer team would be vaporize within 4.26 thousandths of a second, or right about the time Santa reached the fifth house on his trip.

Not that it matters, however, since Santa, as a result of accelerating from a dead stop to 650 m.p.s. in .001 seconds, would be subjected to acceleration forces of 17,500 g's. A 250 pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of the sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force, instantly crushing his bones and organs and reducing him to a quivering blob of pink goo.

Therefore, if Santa did exist, he's dead now.

Merry Christmas.


8 comments:

  1. Oh boy, you are just full of holiday cheer.

    And is it bad that picture made me giggle? Yeah, I thought so.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Engineers can spoil anything! Good thing I believe in magic. ;)

    That picture is disturbing and hilarious -- two things I have come to expect from Stuart's blog. Which is why I keep coming back again and again and again!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Love it! I think Rudolph knocked Santa the fuck out and left him facedown in the swamp. Reindeer are vindictive like that.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Totally using this for a speech in school. THANKS!

    ReplyDelete
  5. The Santa Picture was taken with out my permission. If you would have asked me for it I would have given it to you. Please take it down and use another.
    http://www.flickr.com/photos/ninjaracecar/2411310967/

    Thank you

    ReplyDelete
  6. Coupling this décor with a simple pre-lit wreath or adding some clear lights to your preexisting wreath will enhance the look while adding a bit of flair.
    http://www.christmaslightsandmore.com/

    ReplyDelete

Dance for me, my little puppets ...