Helpful Hints for Women

Ah, the Good Old Days, when mention of the word "misogyny" would result in the question "who's she?"

It was a kinder, simpler time. If you were a man. If you were a woman, well, there were a few little rules to follow ...

Way to keep the allure there, Courtney Love. Of course, Walt here is not even trying to cover up the fact that he's totally peeking.

That's 'cause men don't want a bunch of girly make-up on their jismop.

If he can see your balls, you're sitting awkwardly.

When a man really wants to dance that badly, it's a good bet he'd rather be dancing with another man. No that there's anything wrong with that, of course.

Were these really huge problems? Did women walk around like Flopsie McJiggles often? And were stocking made of cotton? I'm confused.

Because, in those days, Men did not have jointed necks.

Wet Willies are especially forbidden.

Avoid topics like work, music, books, cinema, the '38 Phillies, his ED, and the fact that you're pregnant from your tryst with the Latino kid at the supermarket.

Why not? It's not like Dour Dan over there is providing a stimulus package.

Unless, of course, it's to say how great they'd look in a crumpled heap at the foot of his bed. Chicka-bow-wow.

Seriously? It's amazing anyone in that era ever got laid.

Exactly. Keep your drunken flirtations with a total stranger a secret. Remember, hidden cameras and YouTube are way, way off in the future.

Dear Diary, I'm totally gonna score tonight, once I can get her past Zorba.